Wednesday, May 30, 2007

I Feel Like a Bad Mommy

Okay, this sibling rivalry stuff is going to kill me. My gosh, one of them is just 3, the other isn't even a year old yet, and already it's starting. Jonathan can't stand it when Matthew gets near his toys, crawls into his room, pulls his hair (well, I guess I can't blame him there....), and apparently, now he doesn't even like it when Matthew cries. Well, Matthew's crying is inevitable. He is, after all, a baby. I just don't deal with this very well. Jonathan doesn't like the crying, so he fusses at Matthew, which upsets Matthew more, he cries louder, which irritates Jonathan, who fusses louder, and you know where this is going. And it ends with me screaming at Jonathan. Then he starts to cry. And then I feel like someone has punched me in the stomach because I've now made my angel sad. Sometimes I feel like I just can't win. Evenings are worst - when the kids are tired, and I'm at the end of my tolerance. I tell myself to not expect too much of them, they are, after all, just tiny little people who still have a lot to learn. Somehow, somewhere, I've got to acquire some more patience, or at least a better way to deal with this stuff - it's just going to get worse. What's going to happen when they're 10 and 8 and giving each other black eyes????


Shannon said...

The other day I was at my wits end. Megan was just determined to make me snap. It was the morning, so I'm rushing, I asked her 3 times to put her shoes on & then she starts whining about her sock hurting her and I go in her room and she takes her own sweet time following me. She sits on her bed while I get more socks and I finally just snapped, "You won't be happy until I'm late for work will you?" and I tore off her socks to get the new ones on and I looked down at her toes and they were wiggling at me. She looked kind of upset on her face because I was upset, but looking at her toes, suddenly she was 6 months old again and the most precious thing in my life. I had to stop and take a breath and after that we were okay. It's tough finding the middle ground. How do you teach them that there are things they are going to have to just suck up in life and not break their hearts and their spirits. Our parents didn't really care that much about our hearts and spirits (I may be projecting...mine didn't) and I turned out okay. You want to comfort and protect them at all costs, but you also have to prepare them for the big bad world. How do you do that? If you figure it out, let me know! :) Saw the picture. Matthew looks more like Mark to me & Jonathan looks like you (except they both have Mark's coloring) is my professional opinion. Glad he liked the pillow!

Jennifer said...

Bec - Just remember to keep a standard bedtime so that you know 8pm (or whatever time is coming) and that is YOU time! I wish I could tell you that it gets better but it gets harder ;0)